Ketchup time

Ok, I mean "catch-up" time. In case you didn't know, I'm writing a book. A book of humor. I'd tell you the title, but then I'd have to kill you (ok, not really; I just want to keep it secret so that not everyone will know it and try to steal my concept before I get around to finishing and publishing it). Anyway, I work in our church's AWANA program on Wednesday nights, and the "ladies of the office" (and Mark) have come to expect the "joke of the week" (sometimes they want more than one). These are all original (well, at least they're original to me - I'm not repeating someone else's jokes, using my own material instead).

Catch up time: time to share with you, my faithful readers (all four of you), some of my original humor. Once the book is completed, I'll let you know that it's ready for general, public consumption. That is, I'll ask you all to go buy a copy (or two-hundred) so I can quit my day job (and then you'd get lots more blog posts!). With that said, here you go, some (recent) samples:

• Were you an American Indian peeping tom, I suppose you'd go around staring intently.
• Would dying your roots be a form of ancestral murder?
• Claustrophobia: the fear of Saint Nicholas.
• You know what happened to the dinosaurs, right? The scientists had thought it was climate change from a massive comet or asteroid strike that did them in, but it was much more rapid than that. The comet hit, threw up a bunch of dust, and that blocked out the sun's light, making everything dark. Dinosaurs, of course, can't see in the dark, so they started turning on their lights. There was this one dino family, though, out in the middle of nowhere (I think they were on a camping trip, or perhaps they'd been evicted from their apartment for failure to pay rent), but they still needed light, so some helpful dinos wanted to get electricity out to them and plugged in their extinction cord, and the rest, as they say, is history.

That's all you get for now... I'll perhaps post more another time.

I've thought of another reason you should vote for me for president: when my cell phone powers on, it says, "Good morning, Mr. President!" - so you should vote for me to make my phone more accurate (instead of it calling me president of my own imagination, it could be president of the United States of America!).

Gotta eat now... later, y'all!