Tuesday, February 16, 2021

What Really Happened to the Dinosaurs

While many follow these leading theories of an asteroid wiping out the dinosaurs (over a long period of time), I have a preferred theory that actually explains their much quicker demise. While an asteroid is still the instigating event (likely one from the Oort Cloud, as proposed in this article), the theory that it was due to climate change from the dust and debris cloud that altered the amount of sunlight penetrating the earth's atmosphere, leading to cooler temperatures and widespread impacts to the food chain and eventual collapse of dinosaur society (as the plants died, so did the herbivores, which eat plants and not guys named Herb, then so did the carnivores, which eat meat and not circus festivals). However, while the asteroid did, in fact, cause the atmosphere to become cloudy from dust and debris, and block out the sunlight, the cause of dino-demise was much quicker, and for a different reason, as I will explain.

You see, dinosaurs did not see very well (as I think we all know). So, when the sunlight was blocked and even mid-day was much dimmer, the poor dinosaurs had a hard time finding their food. The herbivores would end up munching on cardboard from Amazon delivery boxes instead of the goodies inside the boxes (ok, it wasn't actually Amazon, but we don't have any of the original delivery boxes from the advanced dinosaur online shopping portal to know its name, and the warehouses similarly are long gone, so I'll just call it "Amazon" since everyone knows that name from today; it was a very similar operation, with pterodactyls finding gainful employment in the shipping department, as drones were not yet invented by the dinosaur scientists). Similarly, as the herbivores went about their daily routines, the carnivores had trouble distinguishing them from each other and from inanimate objects like trees, and most of the carnivores had gluten allergies and really didn't want to take a chance on eating plants.

To combat this newfound darkness, all the dinosaurs had to turn on the lights in their homes and societies around the clock (except for bedtime, of course), in order to better see their next meal. Things seemed to be going well, as the dinosaurs seemed that they would weather this weather with only a mild initial dip in dinosaur population, but there was a problem. There was a dinosaur family that was fearful of "the system" and preferred to live outside of society, way out in the woods, off-grid for the most part. However, the darkness knows no distinction in class, and that poor family was still unable to see its meals well (most of them were herbivores, and it was much easier to get by out in the woods, but they had adopted a cute little T-rex before abandoning dino-society, and that little guy was having trouble distinguishing meals from family and had actually started to chomp on his little brother at one point). So, this dinosaur family needed to turn on the lights, too, but they were way out in the middle of the woods, and their solar panels were not very effective in the asteroid-caused darkening, so they had to fine another way. They plugged in their extinction cord, and the rest is history.

(P.S., this also explains all the fossils that look like they were in the middle of something when they died.)

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